


start this over

by hullomoon



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Episode: s04e07 The Barbecue, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Phone Call, Wedding Planning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-20
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:22:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22329277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hullomoon/pseuds/hullomoon
Summary: When Patrick calls Rachel he thinks back to the last time they had a proper conversation.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer & Rachel, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 20
Kudos: 85





	start this over

**Author's Note:**

> Hi I'm back again. I've had the idea for this story for a long time, I mentioned briefly in one of my fics that Patrick called Rachel and that's when I decided I was gonna write this. It isn't related to that fic at all so you don't have to read that one first.
> 
> Thanks go to Bea, who as always is a wonderful beta.
> 
> title for this story comes from the song pressure by trevor douglas

Patrick and David had steadily made progress in their wedding plans. With Alexis staying an extra month they tried to include her in the smaller tasks, Patrick sometimes allowing David and Alexis to work on it together, knowing that once she left for the Galapagos her help would drop dramatically. What he didn't want her help on was their guest list and after explaining this to her she gave a small 'hmph' and left. 

That was two hours ago and for the past thirty minutes, he had been staring at the list. He was pretty confident that everyone he and David wanted to be there was on the list, but something was bugging him. When David came back to the apartment he would have him look at the list. For now, he grabbed the novel he was reading and snuggled down into the couch, slowing absorbing himself in the story. 

\---

Patrick felt something light brush his forehead, then touch his arm. He stretched out his arm as he slowly opened his eyes. As his hand touched something soft and solid he realized it was David, who was kneeling down next to the couch. 

A fond smile was across his face, "Did you enjoy your nap?"

Patrick shifted over so he was laying on his side, moving his hand to David's shoulder so he could pull him in for a kiss. He could still feel David’s smile as the kiss started, but it changed when David placed his hands on Patrick’s face, thumb caressing Patrick’s cheekbone. Before it could get any further Patrick pulled away, ignoring the whine coming from David and reached for his laptop. 

“I hadn’t planned on a nap, but I feel better now. I worked on our guest list and I think I have everyone, just give it a quick once over and tell me what you think.” 

Patrick handed over the laptop and moved so David could sit next to him on the couch. He watched as David’s eyes scanned the list and after a while, his eyebrows furrowed.

“The list looks fine so far, but I do have one question and I’m not trying to pressure you or make you uncomfortable so just answer it honestly okay?”

Patrick was uncertain what question David could possibly have, but the look of concern on his face was enough for him to take the request seriously. “Yeah, it’s not a problem. What is it?”

David let out a small sigh, “Why isn’t Rachel on the list?”

Patrick was confused, “Uh, she’s my ex-fiancée. I don’t think you really invite them to your wedding.”

David reached over to hold his hand. “Okay, it’s just from what you’ve told me about Rachel it sounded like you were pretty good friends before you started dating.”

“Yeah, before we were dating. Honestly, we were always better to each other when we were broken up than we were together. It’s just her coming here almost broke us up. I didn’t think you’d want to see her again and that doesn’t even take into account what your family would think.” 

“I don’t really see her as why we almost broke up. You and I both know it was the lack of honest communication and avoidance. If you want her there I can talk to my family, they probably won’t make a big deal about it. Just call her and see what she says.” David had taken his other hand and was now rubbing them up and down Patrick’s arms, making stops at his shoulders to give them a tender squeeze occasionally.

“I haven’t really talked to her since the barbeque,” Patrick whispered. It wasn’t something he had told David before. It wasn’t something he needed to know per se, and Patrick was afraid to know what Rachel would say. They had exchanged a few texts, wishing each other happy birthday and asking how the other’s parents were, but other than that their communication was non-existent.

David’s face softened and he gave him a brief kiss on the forehead, “Even the more reason to call,” he slipped Patrick’s phone into Patrick’s hand and got up from the couch, “I’m going to head over to Stevie’s, I really think you should give Rachel a call. It seems like there’s still some unfinished business between the two of you.”

David grabbed his phone and keys and headed out the door. Patrick heard the door shut, and the soft sound of David’s feet as he walked farther away. He stared down at his phone and all he could think about was the last time he had properly talked to Rachel.

\---

_ I'm gonna talk to you in a minute, we've got a lot to talk about _

Patrick was sitting across from Rachel and he could think of multiple places he would rather be. Three doors down he knew David was crying and the only comfort he could provide was getting David’s food for him. He hadn’t even been able to give the plate to him because Alexis had plucked it from his hands and pointedly looked at Rachel before walking off and heading toward her and David’s room. He nodded to Rachel and started walking towards the motel, he didn’t say anything, too afraid that if he said anything in front of the Roses he would break out in his own tears. Rachel quickly walked past him and headed toward her room, unlocking the door and walking in. The door was left open which Patrick assumed meant he was allowed to walk in. 

He pulled himself away from his thoughts so he could focus on Rachel.

“So...it seems like this time our break up is really gonna stick uh?,” Rachel said. She wasn’t looking at Patrick but instead playing with a loose thread on her jeans.

Patrick let out a shaky laugh, “Yeah, it’s definitely gonna stick this time.” He didn’t know how to explain himself to Rachel, his thoughts were disorganized, his tongue felt heavy, and he was afraid if he said anything else he might throw up.

“Hey, Patrick are you alright?”

He looked up to see Rachel, concern in her eyes, her hands on his knees. He noticed that his breathing had become ragged and hands were slightly shaking. He took a couple of deep breaths and rubbed his hands on his thighs, trying to avoid Rachel’s hands that were still on his knees. “I’m okay. I think I’m just...having some trouble trying to explain to you what happened. Can we...can we do honesty time?”

Rachel gave him a soft smile, “Sure.” She walked over to her suitcase, rummaging for a minute before she pulled out a comb. She came back over and sat cross-legged on the bed Patrick was on, handing the comb to him.

Honesty time had started after the got back together from their first break up. Patrick admitted that it was sometimes hard to talk to Rachel, the words couldn’t always come out and he just wanted to find a way to do it. They tried a few different ways to see what would work, lying side by side, sitting in front of the other, and writing it down. What worked the best, however, was this. 

Patrick slowly started combing her hair, “What kind do you want this time?” he said softly.

“How about a French braid?”

He combed her hair to change the part and then ran his fingers through her hair a few times. He started at the crown of her head, grabbing small sections of hair to separate before he started to braid. The gentle repetition soothed him, and he started to relax and feel balanced. 

“I’m gay,” he whispered. 

It was silent for a moment, Patrick continued to slowly braid, adding a few more sections of hair. He felt Rachel move and then her hand awkwardly touching his ankle.

“I’m gay,” he said a little louder.

It was a little strange to say that out loud, he really hadn’t had to before. Everyone in town knew he was dating David and no one seemed to care, so it didn’t give him many opportunities to tell anyone. He braced himself for what Rachel would say, she probably already could’ve guessed it for herself since she saw what went down between him and David, but it was important for him that she knew this about him.

“Do you feel better?” 

“Do you ever have that feeling where you don’t know that you’re carrying around this weight until it’s lifted off? That’s kind of what I’m feeling.”

There was a pause before Rachel spoke again, “So, what’s his name?”

“Uh, David,” Patrick never would have guessed he’d talk to Rachel about David, but here they were, “I don’t even know if it really matters that you know his name, because I don’t know if we’re still gonna be a thing.” Saying it out loud brought it back to the forefront of Patrick’s brain and he blinked away tears as he hurried to finish the braid.

“Sorry about that by the way. If I'd known you were with someone, I wouldn't have come.” Rachel twisted her torso so she could look at Patrick.

He quickly took the hair tie from his wrist and looped it around the end of the braid, allowing for Rachel to turn and look at him properly. “Well, I’m the one who should apologize because if I’d just told you I was serious this time you wouldn’t have come, or if I told David about you, he wouldn’t have been surprised,” He put his face in his hands, “I’ve really messed up this whole thing, huh?”

“Sounds like it. What are you going to do to fix it?” Rachel said as she moved to lie down on the bed.

“I don’t know. You don’t have to help me, I know I’m probably not your favorite person right now.”

“You’re right, I’m still a little pissed at you and myself right now, but we were friends first and it seems like you need one right now.”

Patrick moved to lie down, they were side by side and as he stared up at the popcorn ceiling he thought of what he should do next.

“Are you okay?”

“I think I will be,” Rachel replied, “but it’s going to take some time.”

“If you need anything you’ll tell me, right? Like you said we were friends first and I think...I think you need a friend too.”

“Of course, Patrick.”

He got up from the bed, “I think it’s time I left.” He slowly started walking towards the door, unsure how he should leave.

Rachel got up and followed him to the door, “Bye Patrick, and for what it's worth, I think if you talk to David it will turn out okay.”

“I hope so,” Patrick looked at Rachel one last time, “I really am sorry about everything, not just for today, but about dragging out our relationship.”

“Then, for me, please do better by David and just be honest.”

Patrick stepped fully out the door, hearing the door shut behind him. He walked to his car and sat down, leaning his head on the wheel and trying not to cry. After a few deep breaths, he started the car and drove away, tonight he would try to evaluate his feelings and get everything under control, tomorrow he would focus on David and what he could do to repair the damage he had done.

\---

If Patrick would have realized that conversation would be the last proper one he would have with Rachel in over a year he might have said more, but as he moved his phone back and forth in his hands he knew that was a lie. Evading hard conversations was something he did more than he realized, and since dating David, he noticed how David gently pushed him towards these conversations, not allowing him to avoid them as easily. He took a deep breath and pulled up Rachel’s number. If he didn’t do this now, not only would the idea of ‘what if’ gnaw at him, but when David came back he would get that look on his face that wasn’t quite disappointment and suggest that they order takeout and snuggle on the couch. Patrick didn’t want that coddling, with his mind made up he hit call and put the phone up to his ear.

He heard it ring a few times before the call was picked up.

“Pa-Patrick?” Rachel sounded unsure and slightly drowsy.

“Hi Rach. Is now a good time to talk?” Patrick felt butterflies in his stomach, unsure of how the conversation would go. 

“Yeah, yeah it’s good. Just one second.” 

Patrick heard a muffled thump, a whoosh, and then quiet voices before it was silent.

“Sorry about that, I just woke up from a nap. What did you want to talk about?”

“So I realized this is the first time we’ve properly talked since that night and I now know it’s kind of my fault. With everything that happened I kind of just shut out everyone from before I moved to Schitt’s Creek and after you knew everything, I didn’t really try to reconnect with you, I just shut the door again. I-I miss having you as a friend. I had spent so much of my life with you, first as friends, then in a relationship, and finally engaged and it wasn’t until someone recently pointed it out to me, but I dropped the ball when it comes to you.” As Patrick said the words he started to feel more confident and assured that this was the right thing to do.

“Wow, Patrick how long have you been sitting on that?”

“Probably longer than I should have,” He laughed, “You know how good I am with avoiding hard conversations.” 

Rachel laughed, “I remember one memorable time when you tried to break up with me and couldn’t do it so I just did it for us. That probably should have been an indicator that we weren’t going to work.”

“There were so many signs and we just ignored them left and right. Why did nobody tell us?”

“Actually, Denise did tell me once, around the time when we got engaged but I ignored her. When everybody tells you your relationship looks good or its the kind they strive for it’s easy to ignore that one person.”

“I’m surprised my parents didn’t say anything after the second time I crashed at their place. Thanks for not telling them I was gay by the way. You could have easily done it, I know my mom still talked to you.” 

“It wasn’t my right to tell. It took a lot to tell me and you clearly still needed some time. Your mom mentioned it the last time I saw her so I assume you told them?”

“Yeah I did, when they came to visit me on my birthday. I had already told them you had visited Schitt’s Creek before but once I came out I explained the whole thing. I told my mom it was alright if she mentioned David to you since you already knew,” Patrick paused, “How are you doing, anything new?”

He heard Rachel inhale deeply, “After seeing you it took a couple of weeks for me to sort my own thoughts and emotions about what all happened, but I’m doing pretty well right now. Act-Actually I have something to tell you. You’re not gonna believe it, I mean what are the chances, but uh, Patrick, I’m a lesbian.”

“Oh, oh wow Rach, I’m glad you figured that out for yourself,” Patrick started to laugh, “I’m-I’m not laughing about your news, it’s just, we really did waste our time dating each other didn’t we?”

Rachel gave a small laugh, “We kind of did didn’t we? To be fair everyone said we would look cute as a couple and for the most part you treated me well. I thought how I felt about you was what people felt about their romantic partners, it wasn’t until I met Lily I realized that wasn’t true.”

“You have a girlfriend? I’m so glad you met someone,” Patrick paused, “Wait, I did-I didn’t interrupt you having sex right? You really were just having a nap?”

Rachel started laughing, “Oh-oh m’god no. We really were napping, now if you’d have called thirty minutes earlier that would have been a different story. She’s in the living room if you want to talk to her.”

“Thanks but I wasn’t prepared to talk to my ex-fiancée’s girlfriend today, just her. I do have a question, it’s actually partially why I really called. David and I are engaged,” Patrick paused as Rachel let out a squeal of delight, “And I was wondering if you would like to come to the wedding, Lily can come too.”

“Have you talked to David about this? I don’t want him to be uncomfortable.”

“Actually, it was his idea to invite you. He thought since you had been a part of my life for so long and knew we were still sort of friends that I should at least ask.”

He heard a wet sound and then Rachel blowing her nose, “Tell your fiance he’s being too kind and that we should all meet-up before the wedding.”

Patrick smiled, “I’ll send the message along. Now tell me how did you and Lily get together?”

He sat back on the couch, soaking in the story Rachel was now animatedly telling him. He hadn’t realized how much he missed this casual way they used to talk to each other. As the phone call went on they traded stories about what was going on in their lives, he detailing the wedding plans he and David had already cemented, Rachel detailing a date she took Lily on that went horribly wrong but still managed to end in their first kiss. At one point Rachel turned on speakerphone so Patrick could say hi to Lily and vice versa. 

After a while, he moved the phone away from his ear and noticed the time. “We’ve been talking for almost three hours.”

“Oh, I hadn’t noticed it had been that long. It’s been nice catching up with you Patrick,” she said softly.

“I’ll try not to wait another year to call you,”

“All make sure you don’t Brewer,” Rachel laughed, “At the very least I’ll be seeing at the wedding.” 

It was quiet for a moment and Patrick wondered if the call dropped or if Rachel was waiting for Patrick to say something, “Love you, Patrick,” Rachel whispered.

“Hey, love you too, Rachel,” He whispered back, “I’ll talk to you soon, bye.”

“Bye.”

Patrick hung up the phone and set it down on the coffee table. He felt a little emotionally wrung out and got up from the couch, grabbing his book and snuggling down on the bed.

\---

When the door opened he looked up from his book. David walked in, a bag in his hand.

“I didn’t know how you would be feeling so I bought some takeout,” David said plopping the bag on the counter and taking out the boxes inside.

Patrick got up from the bed and walked over to David. Wrapping his arms tightly around him he nuzzled into David’s neck. “Thank you for encouraging me to call Rachel and for giving me the space to do so.”

David took his left hand, the one adorned with the rings that Patrick so lovingly placed on him that day at Rattlesnake Point, and held onto one of Patrick’s arms. “I guess this means it went well?”

Patrick gave a muffled laugh, then lifted his head off David’s neck. “She said to tell you that you’re kind and we should meet-up before the wedding.”

“Mmm, very positive then.” David moved so he and Patrick were facing each other and started rubbing Patrick’s shoulders.

“Oh and you’ll love this, but Rachel has a girlfriend, her name’s Lily.”

“Good for Rachel to move on. I bet Lily is a delight if Rachel’s exes are any indication,” David moved out of the embrace and started grabbing food and utensils, “Come on, let’s watch an episode of the Great Canadian Baking Show. I don’t know how I feel about the new hosts still but at the very least there will be some good-looking food.”

Patrick smiled and grabbed his own food before sitting down on the couch with David. As he sat there eating, listening to David make comments about what was going on in the show he felt a wave of contentedness sweep through him. Talking to Rachel had provided more closure than he realized he needed and he hoped in the future their friendship could be like how it once was before they were dating. Until then he would work towards it, one conversation at a time. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and if you want to see me screaming about the new season head on over to my tumblr, hullomoon


End file.
